dear 2011
i made my memory-book for 2011 a few days ago and realized you werent that bad at all.
the only no-fun thing (work) just ruled it a little bit so the nice things got lost!
found them.
thank you, 2011, you were great and made me realise so many things!
here are a few “dear” things..didnt plan for it, just happened 
dear online-friend
i miss you so much and i guess i will always call as friends.
i love to talk over things with you because it always gives me alot.
you are smart and fun and witty. we spent so much time together – online.
or should i say: we used to.
it is very difficult to get a hold of you and i often asked myself if you still want to be in contact or if its just life that doesnt make it possible anymore.
for myself i can say: i tried. i tried to reach you, i tried to let it just go the way it goes.
but being true to myself: it hurts a little bit – no matter what the reason for not being in touch is.
so for me it is time to let go.
i am here if you ever should wanna “build up” on the friendship we had.
i will be more than happy and grateful if this ever should happen.
if not – than not. which may leave me a little bit sad.
but i am not going on wondering and feeling a little bit hurt.
dear neighbour above me.
i do like you and there has always been something between us.
but not what you want.
you want a stable relationship to feel save.
i believe you need to feel save with yourself. you wont find your safety in anyone else.
you need someone to take care of. i believe you first you should be able to take care of yourself and your issues and not needing anyone to avoid your own.
you need someone to go out with. one person.
i dont. i go out when i want to and i even dont mind being alone.
you do not like being alone. i believe you need alone-time in your life. without spending this time with your playstation or whatever.
you are always in the need for a relationship. needing it doesn’t work out well.
like i said: i like you. but friendship doesn’t work because you always want more and more of my time. you push me away with that.
(still not sure what to do with that one.)
dear neighbours below me, esp the wife.
i care, i like you, i like to listen and to help. i did listen. i gave advice. i spoke my mind. after the last month i can say:
your husband wont stop drinking and he wont start to care. it is all about his addiction. and you are drinking way too much too and you focus on the wrong things. you know the only thing that would help is to take your two daughters and leave him and damn it, get your life together. it would be the only way to get healty, get out of your money problems (and these are big. so big). and it would be the only way to make him realize what going wrong. his only chance. you know that, you agree with me but do the same mistakes again and again. like today. fighting the wrong people like our landlords.
you get yourself in more trouble again.
i cant help anymore and i do not want to. i feel like being in these awful “reality tv shows” i so do not like.
so i am saying goodbye to your troubles.
i’ll be there for your kids still and for you if you really need help but i am not joining this downward spiral.
i’ll focus on health and wealth and harmony.
dear barry,
oh i still miss you.
i am over this point where i thought: i need to email barry about it.
today it is more like – when a subject comes up we talked about:
oh i talked with barry about it.
sometimes i imagine that you just had enough with civilization and moved into the outback. your beard must be pretty long by then.
dear barbara,
i do miss your online-places alot.
the chatting, the making friends, the inspiration, the fun, the creativity.
people like you, clara, tisha (i hope i remember her name right. too bad i dont have her emailaddy), cintia, katja, em, ronin, killer-bee and many other. some of them are here on facebook 
)
but i guess it is or should be the same with the “dear online friend”.
time to let go.
(ha, still missing it though. but goodbye old times)
on 